Infected Rafael

When I crawled into bed last night, I removed the bandage from Rafael that was cushioning the lump from the constant pressure of my shoe. Much to my chagrin, Rafael was not looking so hot. Cut open, red, oozing puss, and throbbing, I showed Hubs. He grimaced and diagnosed an infection. I knew it was bad when Hubs demanded that I stay off my feet in order to get better even though we have a weekend of cross-country and downhill skiing planned. I consulted with Dr. DT and he confirmed an infection; a first in the life of Rafael.

Sick and tired of the effect Rafael has had on my life, I made an appointment with an orthopod January 30. I'm sure he'll suggest cutting Rafael out of my life completely. I think I'm ready to let go...

Halvah

Christmas Day, MDoc busted out her amazing cooking skills and treated us all to an eat-til-you're-miserable meal: pork tenderloin, mashed potatoes and gravy, baked corn with rice crispies atop, can-formed cranberries, and some jello/whipped cream "salad." And all this food was served only after we'd eaten trays of crackers and cheese, cookies, candy, and 7-layer taco dip. I can't say there was one thing I didn't enjoy ... except maybe the Halvah.

Halvah?! didn't know what it was either. Apparently Li'l Grandma used to get some every Christmas for a treat. It looked more like liver pate than a treat but I tried it anyway just to get a Newbie out of it. It's made of sesame paste (tahini) and sugar, honey or some other sweetener. It's gritty, crumbly texture overshadowed any good taste it may have had. It was marbled with chocolate but not enough to make it taste good. I can't say that I liked it but I would try it again next Christmas just to carry on a tradition. I did notice that the only people eating it was MDoc, Li'l Grandma and Aunt Pauly.

Go figure...

Gum

On Christmas Eve, I was out of ideas for a Newbie having demolished brain cells through extensive Bailey's cheer and crushed creativity with the sheer weight of the food I'd put into my mouth. And when all else fails, Google is like the rock of salvation. I went back to the website I'd visited last Friday, and I looked for new exciting things to learn.

Did your mother tell you not to swallow gum cuz it would stay in your system for 7 years? First, why didn't I ever ask, "Who cares?" And second, why didn't I ever find out whether that was really true? So, on Monday, I finally uncovered the answer to the mystery:

Generally, gum is made up of four general components, and our bodies can
easily break down three of these. The gum's flavorings, sweeteners and softeners
are all no match for human digestion. It's the gum base that sticks around. Gum
base is made mostly of synthetic chemicals, and these chemicals give gum its
chewy property. It's designed to resist the digestive properties of the saliva
in your mouth. But once it's swallowed, even the gum base is subjected to the
same treatment as regular food, and after it's recognized as useless by your
digestive system, it goes the same route as any waste product.

That would be: out the poop shoot.

So, MDoc, did you really believe that gum would be stuck in there for 7 years? Hmmm, now I wonder if my eyes will stay crossed if I leave them that way for too long....

Bowling for Christmas

After a couple days of playing cards and eating over vacation, we decided to do something active. So, on Sunday, we went bowling. I'd never been bowling over Christmas, so it was a good adventure for the DocFam. We ended up with a group of 11 immediate and extended family members bowling. There were gutterballs and granny throws aplenty, but with a score of 55 and 74, I was right in the middle of the group. We are, obviously, not professionals.

We bowled right next to a woman who looked so familiar that I couldn't stop looking at her. Thankfully, she finally clued me in that we lived on the same floor in the dorms for our freshman year in college. The last time we'd seen each other was my sophomore year, 1994. She's a psychologist living in Chicago who is hoping to move back to Montana when her husband finishes his PhD. I would have never connected with her again had we not gone bowling for Christmas!

Ramona

Hubs couldn't fathom that I would name my right bunion and not my left. So in a pitiful moment last Saturday while we were discussing how Rafael was giving me such a hard time, Ramona was born, my left foot's bunion.

As I look back over the past 6 days, I realize that I really did LEARN something new or DO something new every single day of my vacation. Starting last Friday ...

Friday we planned to make the long drive to what I affectionatly call the Biswack. I took the day off even though I knew that we wouldn't leave town until the afternoon. So that morning I set out to learn something new. And I did.

Did you know that the Bermuda Triangle is not on a map but it is located between Miami, FL, Bermuda, and San Juan, Puerto Rico. I had no idea. And even more interesting: did you know that one of the plausible explanations of lost ships and planes at sea is the deep trench at the surface of the Bermuda Triangle - some of the deepest trenches in the world that would swallow ships and planes without ever finding them. And then coupled with the weather factor, scientists have come upt with plausible explanations for lost ships and planes. Apparently, the Triangle experiences unusually short, quick and violent storms that blow in and out without ever being detected by satellite. Interesting. But mostly, there is still some question about whether the Triangle swallows more planes and ships than any other place in the world. Fascinating. There was more to my learning exploratory but you should go see for yourself what I learned about the Triangle. You'll enjoy it.

Sucks

Yesterday, I tried Facebook for a Nebiew and I feel like a cyber-idiot! DJ, bro-in-law, introduced me to the concept. I think he's a Facebook junkie. I'm still not even sure there's a point to it but things were looking up when I was alerted that I was on the coolest people list. My suspicion is that it's a popular tool for high schoolers and since DJ is a teacher, that would make sense. I guess it's a good thing I refrained from swearing when I posted on DJ's "Wall." I thought I might like to mess around with it right up until I noticed that DJ has 245 friends and I have one. Now I think it sucks...

One more sleep ...

Today is the day when the excitement of a road trip amps us like we've already started the daily intake of the sugary sweet treats of the season; all giddy and happy and excited. Right up until about the time we get in the car to drive for ten hours. The excitement wears off right about East Helena 5 miles down the road. The dogs hate the drive too when they come to the realization that this road trip is different than all the usual road trips because the time between stops is quite a bit longer and there is no time for a run and frolic and fetch and play until they fall over from exhaustion ... well, until Squash falls over from exhaustion and Sake just slows down a bit. So, while I've been counting this day as the day that vacation starts, it really won't start until tomorrow when we awake at our destination without the drone of a full day on the road ahead of us. Therefore, in the countdown to vacation, we have one more sleep left.

Gingerbread Man

The Chick-mas party was a hit last night. We proceeded to eat, drink and be merry and that, to me, sounds like a successful party. I tried the Newbie gingerbread martini and can't say that I liked it too much. Here is the recipe if you'd like to try for yourself:

1 1/2 ounces vodka
1/2 ounce Amaretto
1/2 ounce simple syrup
1/2 teaspoon molasses
2 1/4-inch thick slices of fresh ginger
A pinch of cinnamon
A pinch of clove
A pinch of allspice
Crystallized ginger, for garnish.

Still new after all this time ...

I have been keeping up with my Newbies, but can't find the time to blog about them. I could give you all the usual excuses about work and more work but that would make for a boring, whiney blog, so I won't ...

On Monday night I hosted my first book club. I have hosted book clubs before but this time, which I think makes it a Newbie, it was MY book club. I organized it, asked the people, invited them to my house, picked the book and launched it at my house with great food and wine. I think it went over well. We read a powerful book called "A Thousand Splendid Suns" by Khaled Hosseini. I won't tell you the details of the book but will give you a synopsis of the story of women in Afghanistan: "Like a compass needle that points north, a man's accusing finger always finds a woman. Always." The book celebrates the ability of women to endure. This quote from a 17th Century poem by Saib-e-Tabrizi stands as a theme and namesake of this book: "One could not count the moons that shimmer on her roofs, or the thousand splendid suns that hide behind her walls."

On Tuesday I had a Newbie at work. First, it was new for me to work at my second moonlighting job by myself. That could have been a Newbie in itself but rather, I would like to count my interaction with Amy. Amy is a short, roung, happy, little, adorable and proud woman who has developmental disabilities. She appeared older than me but was probably developed to the stage of a young child. She went there to work out with her father and took a liking to me immediately. She slapped my hand and told me Merry Christmas many times over. She visited me while she was supposed to be on the treadmill and when it was time to go, she got very sad and hugged me around the waist. It caught me off-guard to the point that it almost knocked me over. She seemed so happy when I hugged her back that I was ashamed of my surprised reaction to her hug. As she left the gym, she called to me, "I'm going to come talk to you again Bucky." It made my whole night.

I'm not sure I can beat that one tonight, but my friends and I are getting together for a Chick-mas Party so there is sure to be something new to report from that! Maybe a new drink ....

Exploration Works

AVD and I spent much of Sunday together exploring our inner child at the new children's museum in town, Exploration Works. SO FUN. If you haven't been there, GO. AVD wanted to go solely becaues she knows the woman who makes the puppets for the children's puppet shows. And I went solely because I hadn't planned a Newbie for the day. The match was perfect.

We explored the exhibits, learned a bit and then headed to the puppet show, Three Billy Goats Gruff. My favorite exhibit was the game where you competed to out-relax your opponent. The winner could move a ball, by brain activity indicated by the brain-sensor headband that computed brainwaves onto the screen, to the opponent's circle on a table by being more relaxed. Every time I started to laugh, the brainwaves went berzerk and the ball would come toward me. Every time I concentrated to relax and closed my eyes, the ball went straight to my opponent's circle. Fascinating.

The puppet show was pretty cute but the little kids at the puppet show were painfully cute. At one point, the troll under the bridge decided to take a nap and snored loudly. A little girl behind me, couldn't have been older than 3, whispered in the not-at-all-a-whisper-yet-she-thought-she-was-whispering kind to her Papa sitting next to her, "That sounds like Grandma." I thought it sounded like my Mama (sorry Mama). I paid more attention to the reaction by the kids than the puppet show itself.

I highly recommend a visit to the museum. It's a great place to take your kids or, if you don't have them, take yourself to discover the kid in you.

Bunion

I can't run anymore without severe pain shooting through my right foot shortly afterward. I have a throbbing bunion that keeps me up at night. I know; really glamorous. It has taken on a whole personality of it's own. So, for Saturday's Newbie, I named my bunion. It's not an effective consolation for being unable to run but it's fun nonetheless.

First, I wanted to name it Bonny for some alliteration: Bonny Bunion sounds good. But then I decided that Bonny is boring and my life will become boring enough if the fix for Bunion is something drastic like surgery. Rather, I named my bunion Rafael - extravagant and worldly; unlike the bunion itself.

You have the right to remain silent ...

I couldn't have picked a better Newbie myself. Yesterday I got the I-don't-really-know-how-to-tell-you-this line from Hubs. What he told me presented the best Newbie I have had and will possibly ever have again: "You have a warrant out for your arrest." The city website contained my name on a very long list of active arrest warrants.

Luckily, the real "crime" was nothing other than an old parking ticket. However, the laughs and leverage I get out of being a "criminal" is worth every cent of the $70 I had to pay to clear my good name.

Ode to My Hangnail

Oh hangnail, lovely hangnail
You test my propensity to gnaw
You get my attention with every snag
You disqualify from Dove commercials my love paw

You arlert me to sweaters and gloves that lack good knit
You make my expensive choice of hand creme more legit

If I had my choice, we would never have met
And I could have perptually smooth hands
Alas, we will live with our disfunctional bond
Fate, against our desires, had other plans

I wrote this yesterday while pondering amendments to a document that had me stifled. It just flowed and a Newbie was created. I think I could be published.

Great First Impression

Never fear - I've been keeping up with my Newbies even though I haven't had the time to write about them....

Tuesday, I started a second job at the local gym; first night training with one other dude that has been working there since the beginning of time. I'm just doing front desk work and while it's easy, it could test my creativity in it's own ways that my Newbie task never could. I value it for the free gym membership and for another focus in my life. My list of newbies for the night runs long, therefore.

1. Cleaned treadmills - cleaning is not new to me, but cleaning treadmills is; disgusting, sweat-drenched machines that also collect static dust into the puddles of sweat. I figured it's par for the course given that I'm usually the one making the puddles of sweat...
2. Cleaned windows at the gym; I don't even clean windows at my own house ...
3. Wore the cutesie little uniform shirt and a nametag;
4. Greeted grumpy visitors to the gym who clearly needed to work out; maybe I'll do a tally of how many grumps leave still grumpy after their workout - another newbie for another time...
5. Checked out the men's locker room; I even used the toilet in the men's locker room just for the most legitimate newbie material; it almost killed me. Just a question - how do men get pubies on the toilet seat? (It's a legitmate question!)

My favorite newbie of the night was of a different variety though. I managed to offend the very first co-worker with whom I worked. I was, per usual, swearing up a storm throughout the training. I made sure that our guests didn't hear me, but I certainly didn't hold back to my co-worker. I didn't notice until too late that my co-worker was not swearing and would, instead, say things like 'biscuits' for emphasis. Although he had worked at the gym since the beginning of time, he looked like he was approximately 15 years old, minus 3 years. So I used my very sophisticated personality-analyzing mechanism and assumed he wasn't going to mind my sailor-like language.

By the end of the evening, I was finally catching wind of the lack of reciprocal swearing and apologized. His response? "Well, yes, I did notice that and you'll have to cut down on that during work because we don't want our customers to hear us talking so unprofessionally." Logical explanation, but then he said, "Thank God you said something because I wouldn't have felt comfortable bringing it up." And while he said, "Thank God," he emphasized with a cross pattern across his chest that I couldn't imitate without offending again.

Good start, huh?

Lefty Notes

I tried to write notes for tomorrow's presentation with my left hand; a Newbie. I say tried because although I have a whole page full of scribbles, they resemble nothing of writing. I intended to take a photo of the page to prove the total futility of using my left hand, but got too busy at work to play with my camera. Rather, someone should take a video of me giving the presentation tomorrow while I attempt to read the notes. Could be a You Tube most popular.

Figarillos & Bacon

Hubs and I went to a Christmas dinner party for his work last night. It was a nice dinner for 7 of us. Hubs offered to bring an appetizer and because I had so many dates left over from making bon bons, we made a couple apps with dates in them - and by 'we' I mean 'we' - Hubs helped a ton with the apps. I racked up the newbie list yesterday: bacon appetizer, dates appetizer; and a figarillo made with phyllo dough dipped in honey-topped greek yogurt. Luckily, the apps were a hit because I could have been forever scarred by having to serve bacon. UGH. I will definitely do the figarillos again. DE-LISH!

Don't you think Figarillos & Bacon would be a good name for a band?

Bon Bons

I spent the day making bon bons; another newbie. A lot goes into making those delicious morsels of sweetness and the love of humankind. You would never guess they are relatively healthy compared to the other sweet treats of the season: dates, walnuts, coconut, sweetened with agave nectar and dipped in either bittersweet gourmet dark or milk chocolate. Don't let the health meter scare you away either. I've tried them out on the most discriminating health haters and ALAS, they pass muster. I will attempt to continue my tradition of steering clear of cookies, cake, ice cream and candy throughout the season, but the presence of these delicious morsels in my house might just derail that health wagon right quick.

Backwards

I've gotten a good number of odd looks when I've explained my goal to learn something new or do something new every day for this year; starting yesterday on my birthday. I've made it a point to mention it numerous times in the hope of getting some good suggestions for my To Do list for the year. Most people, however, thought I was joking or could only think of things like: learn guitar, learn a new language, etc. While those are definitely good ideas, do you really think I could sustain this goal for a whole year with a list like that?

I'm thinking more like this: today, my "newbie" was to walk the dogs down the road and do it backwards. So, when I returned home from work today with minimal light left in the day, thankfully, I walked the dogs backwards. They were very confused at first. Sake bounced around me and poked me repeatedly in the leg with his snout excited to play. Sasquatch just sat down and looked at me very confused about moving in the opposite direction we faced. Finally, they took the lead per usual and we walked down the road to the field where they played and then back up the road to home; backwards both ways.

The challenge mostly was to walk a straight line on the road so that I wouldn't veer off into the ice patches on the sides. Luckily only one car passed me and it was a teenage girl from down the road that doesn't notice anyone but the other person on the cell phone which I swear is atttached to her ear.

Because I had to concentrate so hard on towing a straight line, I don't know if neighbors noticed me. If they did and because I know this won't be the only time they see me doing something "backwards", I'm pretty sure by this time next year they'll think I'm a loon.

Mrs. President

Last night Hubs was washing dishes after dinner. He'd been trying to psyche me up for my birthday today and was enthusiastically singing things like, "Tomorrow's your birthday, my little birthday girl" to no tune in particular. He was doing a little jig while washing each plate and cup.

At one point, he gasped as though he'd just discovered something amazing. And then he said, "I just thought of something ... now you're old enough to be the President." That is some consolation.

So, this morning when he awoke, about 45 mins. after I'd been getting ready to go to work, Hubs told me in his sleepy, groggy, barely-there voice, "Happy Birthday, Mrs. President."

Happy "NEW" Year

As I was getting ready this morning for work, I decided that for this year, my 35th year of existence, I'm going to do something new or learn something new every day; every single 365 days of this year, I'm going to become smarter or good at something obscure. I started this morning by brushing my teeth with my left hand.

I got this idea from AP who saw it in another blog. I can't find the blog anymore so I can't give credit where credit is actually due. But, if you have ideas of new things to try, let me know cuz I have 365 things to learn or do. I'll report my newbies regularly.

Today, I've learned these things:

On this day in 1933 - U.S. federal judge John M. Woolsey rules that the James Joyce's novel Ulysses is not obscene.

Well, then I'm not going to read that book. PHEW - glad I didn't waste my time!

On this day in 2006 - NASA reveals photographs taken by Mars Global Surveyor suggesting the presence of liquid water on Mars.

I wonder if the water is the fountain of youth .... If so, see ya. I'll send postcards.

Playin' Games

Thanks to friend AVD, I have become a big fan of the game site http://www.boxerjam.com/. Check it out sometime and play the free game entitled Know It All. It's online trivia played against others online at the same time. There are some zany characters that play this game; my friend AVD is no exception.

The game has an online chat feature that you can turn on or off. I generally have it on although I've never actually chatted with the people I play against - mostly because I have nothing to say except, "Wow, I suck." Or, "Why do you know all these things? Get a life." And I generally heed my Mama's advice that if I don't have something nice to say ... well, that's not true. I didn't chat because it may have messed up my game.

The names that show up to play are the best part though. In my last game, I played against 'Ivamandalay,' 'Barkinspider,' and my favorite so far, 'SheikYrButi' who claimed to be from Saudi Arabia with a camel named Clyde.

Looking up ...

Our b-day party was a blast, just as I'd expected. I partied more like it was 2003 instead of 1999, but I think that will suffice since geriatric tendencies should excuse me from acting like I'm 18 again.

The most exciting gift I've gotten so far are the bon bons from LM. Seriously. Those things are amazing. She made them herself and they have nothing bad in them - dates, walnuts, coconut, agave nectar and chocolate. I'm going to attempt making them for family but there is a chance that since the health meter teeters on wholesome for these treats, they may not be as popular as the other sweet treats of the season. More for me ...

The funniest part of the evening was the appearance of Lenny; shy, quiet, stay-at-home Lenny. He donned a bowling shirt bearing his name. He wore pants that would have been called knickers back in the day. And he was blitzed as my Papa would call it. Sputtering, mumbling, and very very affectionate. I daresay, he may have groped me.

The most special part of my evening, besides the Lenny grope, was the surprise b-day cake. The two Hubs' got together and ordered a cake from the local bakery and surprised us with singing and candles. It wasn't exactly the b-day cake I would have ordered but it was sweet and chocolaty and served with love.

Seems a great way to start my birthweek, don't you think?

Addiction Update

Just a quick update - I haven't had DP for 2.5 weeks and it feels great.

Forever Young

My birthday, December 6th; is approaching and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. Usually, as my family and friends know very well, I am forecasting my birthday around September to be sure that calendars are marked and celebrations are plenty. I’ve attempted to maneuver a birthWEEK instead of just one day with minimal success and much to my chagrin. However, this year, I’m feeling a bit like I never thought I’d feel, OLD.

My eyes have a few more laugh lines, my skin feels flaky and dry, my waistline life preserver could save a whale now, and I’m an old married hag. Luckily, I’m married to a young hottie Hubs. But even that puts more pressure on me to be young, look young and act young.

ALAS, never fear – I won’t let this age get me down for too long and I probably shouldn't since it'll creep up on me again next year. As soon as the presents roll in and the parties begin, I’ll be birthday festive once again. We’re having a party this weekend for me and BFF who has a birthday two weeks prior (1 year younger though) and just to show you that I’m not too bah humbug about my birthday, I’m going to party like it’s 1999 … and since I’d only be turning 18, it could be a sight to behold!

Thankful

I am thankful for a first Thanksgiving as a wife to my Hubs. I am thankful that I can still touch my toes. I am thankful to spend Thanksgiving with my parents. I am thankful that my nose hairs aren't longer than my nose. I am thankful to have a full belly. I am thankful that my belly isn't bigger than my boobs. I am thankful for living in a great little house that I can call my own. I am thankful that my bunyon isn't hurting right now. I am thankful for my adorable two dogs that only have normal dog issues. I am thankful that my lovehandles aren't big enough to use as life preservers. I am thankful that my two sisters are happy and spending their Thanksgiving with loved ones. I'm thankful for my friends. I am thankful to have a job that I like. I am thankful to live in a state that I love. I'm thankful that I haven't started farting ... yet.

I am thankful. Happy Thanksgiving.

Cute Folks

My parents are visiting for Thanksgiving. We get excited, Hubs and I, because we like to show off our little town at this time of year. Covered in white and still snowing, lights twinkling everywhere, Parade of Lights on Friday after Thanksgiving where all the businesses downtown light up their stores and offer treats and hot cider to share for enticement to come inside and buy something - it's a fun time to visit our usually sleepy little town. And Mama and Papa are great visitors cuz anything we suggest, they're game to do. They love to be entertained. Plus, I love them so that helps.

And I think Mama and Papa are excited to come too. I got a clue they might be excited when Mama called last night to tell me: 1. That they are already packed (two days before they'd get here); and 2. Papa wanted to go to bed at 6:30 so he could just wake up and it would be tomorrow.

So cute.

Conversation Between Loved Ones ...

Driving in the car up the dark hill in the rain toward our house, the conversation ensued:

Me: "What is that in the road up there? It's flashing like a cop."

Hubs: "I don't know. It might be a cop."

Me: "It looks kinda like a cop but mostly like a UFO."

Hubs: "I don't know what it is."

Me: "OHHH, it's just some sort of machine."

Hubs: "Yeah. And to some, that would be known as a truck."

Me: "Smartass. ASS being the operative word."

White Thanksgiving?

FINALLY! It's winter around here just in time for Thanksgiving. It snowed last night and we awoke to a blanket of white. Our Sleeping Giant, who looks a bit like Bill Clinton, is now covered for his long winter's sleep and I won't have to worry about him getting hypothermia. I love the first snow because it hides all the muck and dry boring brown that we've had to endure in this last very dry part of the Fall. Our dogs were fooled enough that they didn't even tiptoe around the piles of poop in the yard in order to find the perfect spot to circle three times and then finally squat to piss.

And it's still snowing ... WAHOO!

DUUUH ...

I was on the phone with an adversary yesterday. We were commenting about the weather - just the niceties we exchange before we start to argue with one another. And he commented to me that it was going to be 60 degrees in Helena, Montana in mid-November. And then I mentioned to him that there have been wildfires in Montana starting recently. To which he responded,

"WELL, MAYBE THERE IS SOMETHING TO THAT GLOBAL WARMING."

Ya think?

DP is OUT

I am admittedly and unabashedly addicted to Diet Pepsi. So much so, that I have affectionately termed it DP in my family (although Hubs has many other unpublishable options for my acronym). I can't go a day without it or I will be cranky and intolerable. Headaches. Cravings. Can't think of anything other than DP and it's deliciousness. I even know the people at my local convenience store by name and they know me and what I get every single day. I have probably spent hundreds of dollars on DP this year. When I mentioned to Hubs that yesterday was my last day of DP, he laughed maniacally.

And so, because I hate the thought of being beholden to a fountain soda any longer, I am quitting. Cold Turkey. DONE. D.U.N. See ya. Au revoir. Adios.

Today is the first day and I've only been up for 5 hours. I am, as predicted, cranky, intolerable, suffering from a headache, craving DP, and thinking of nothing else. I have already taken 2 ibuprofen and I'm counting the minutes until I can head to the First-Aid station and get another dose. I can't wait for this week to be over so the withdrawal symptoms are gone too.

On the bright side: Think of all the shoes I can buy with the money I'll save not buying DP. And that will be another addiction I'll have to tackle. Another day ....

I Love New Music

My newest acquisitions are:
Brandi Carlile - The Story;
Ryan Adams - Easy Tiger;
Rachel Reis - Without A Bird;
Rachel Reis - For You Only;
Feist - The Reminder

I can't decide which I like best. They are all that good...

Healing Thoughts

A dear member of the familyDoc, JM, has been having a helluva time healing after a major surgery. She had her colon removed about 1 month ago and has not been recuperating as she should. Today, she went into intensive care and was quarantined due to a staff infection. Please send healing thoughts her way; she needs it.

'Twas a Good One

Hubs definitely looks older today than he did yesterday. Something to do with the groans and moans and sounds of pain emitting from the bedroom throughout the day. During one of my visits to his bedside, I commented that he looked like hell warmed over; to which he responded, with his head buried in the pillow and a voice gruff like he'd smoked a pack of cigs, "Bitches, take a number."

At least he hasn't lost his sense of humor.

Thankfully, last night in the wee hours of the morning, he also still had some sense... when he fell ass over teakettle without any explanation except drunkenness, he said, "That's it, I'm going home. Done. Take my beer."

And we went home.

Goodbye 3-0

Today is Hubs' birthday. He's trying to catch up with me in age - he's almost there: 31. Last night I gave him a kiss when I returned from my work travels and he said, "This is the last time you'll kiss a 30-year old."


I'd take you at any age over any stupid 30-year old.


Happy Birthday Hubs. Love. You.

Boobies

I had quite the shock today. I was browsing through the blogs on this host site at work - that isn't the shock although my boss might think so - and much to my surprise, I happened upon a blog with boobie pictures ... and very seductive poses. And boobies. That's all I can say to describe it because while I'm okay with taking the risk of getting caught at work writing a blog about my sister's b-day, I'm NOT okay with taking the risk of being accused of seeking out sites with pictures of boobies. So, I quickly pushed the little red X in the upper right hand corner of the screen and hastily deleted any evidence of having boobies on my screen.

Now that I'm at home cruising on the net, I'm curious which site I saw and can't remember anything about it ... except that there were boobies. Hmmm, I wonder what comes up when I do a search for boobies; certainly this blog will show up ...

This Is Your Year ...

My sweet little sister's birthday is today. Happy Birthday JDoc. I think you're a rock star ...

Ladies Weekend

My weekend started out with a wonderful experience Friday morning and continued right on from there through the weekend. I went with a group of ladies, 6 in all, to Bozeman for a "Ladies Weekend;" even the accompanying dogs were ladies. I knew 2 of the ladies a bit but the other 4, I'd just met this weekend. We had some good food, saw two concerts, went for a hike, sat in some hot springs, drank some wine and laughed. Ahhhhh.... just what I needed.

Shiny Happy People Holding Hands ....

What a great way to start my day… Besides waking up to Hubs talking in his sleep – hilarious, unintelligible, rambling – I went to Safeway this morning to get a few things for the weekend. I noticed the stockers (not to be confused with stalkers) filling the shelves with groceries and such. As I rounded the corner to the power bar section where I was headed, I ran SMACK into one of the young men as he was literally dancing around, hopping, singing and not paying attention whatsoever to the (very few) customers that could be coming ‘round the corner. He incorporated the interruption into his dance moves and flitted on his way. It was hard not to smile and laugh to myself about his enthusiasm for life.

I then went to the fruit section to get strawberries for breakfast, and heard, in my peripheral attention to details outside my strawberry search, someone singing to the music, ‘I can’t see me lovin’ nobody but you … for all my liiiii-iiiife.’ I looked up to see who was the beneficiary of the lovely song. It was me. Another stocker had stopped his work, inspired by song, and busted it out, arm in the air, dedicating his line directly to me. We both laughed when he was done and I commented on the lovely time I’d had just shopping early morning at Safeway.

As I walked out of the grocery store this morning, I met a friend walking in. I warned him, “There are singing, dancing, happy people in there. Just a warning – don’t go in if you can’t handle it.” He said, “Oh I can.” And danced a little jig on his way in the door.
What a great morning already ….

Wedded Bliss ...

This morning we finally took our mattress off the box spring to search for the source of the creaking and groaning under our bed. Hold your excitement ... it wasn't nearly as exciting as it sounds. And in fact, the discovery is quite disturbing: our box spring has become increasingly unhappy about holding our weight since we've put on a few pounds. The good news is that we must be happy; the bad news is that we're FAT and happy.

Censorship

On a regular basis, I get a report from my email spam blocker at work that lists the addresses for those emails that have been blocked from my Inbox. Thankfully, it keeps me from getting regular emails from JCrew, Amazon and the fun quiz website entitled Tickle where you can self-assess important qualities about yourself like "What Breed of Dog Are You?" or "Who's Your Celebrity Soulmate?" (By the way, I'm a St. Bernard and my celeb soulmate is Orlando Bloom).

But you can imagine my disappointment when I noticed that the spam blocker was keeping such emails from me like "How to get a bigger penis" or "How to keep your woman satisfied." However will I get along in this world without this information?

Access, Access, Access

I’m not a hunter. But I work for an agency that manages wildlife populations for the people of Montana so that they are healthy and thriving … and huntable. I am a passionate advocate for the environment; the habitat it provides for critters and the majesty it provides for my spiritual health. But, I didn’t realize until working here that hunting is an intricate part of keeping healthy and thriving wildlife populations in this state (and other states, I suspect). My zealous advocacy, personally and professionally, for the environment now includes the same fervor for the legacy of hunting. So if you think hunting is just a sport for rednecks and their blood-thirsty, testosterone-charged, trophy-game-lusting ways, you’re probably right. But it’s more than that. For those that treat it as a way to be a part of the age-old natural duality of prey and predator that keeps our ecosystem thriving, I subscribe whole-heartedly.

In these changing times, however, where new landowners don’t recognize the value of hunting as a tool to manage a population, the populations are exploding. The elk population in Montana is increasing every year due to mild winters and the creation (intentionally or not) of safe-havens for large herds. As the population increases, the whole system is thrown off balance and the wild, natural habitat threatens to be trampled and can no longer support the increasing elk populations. The populations move to greener pastures to forage and feed – the crops and fields on large ranches. Those ranchers who don’t allow access for hunting, harbor the elk and charge hunters to take trophy elk that is supposed to be available for veiwing, enjoying, and hunting to all the people of Montana; not just the rich who can afford it. Cabela’s is an example of just this type of problem.

I can’t say it any better than the Montana Wildlife Federation said it in a letter to the CEO of Cabela’s requesting them to consider some alternatives to selling ranches that were traditionally open to public hunting. Rather, MWF request that they exercise their private property rights in a manner that could take into consideration the hunting and fishing legacy of access and conservation in Montana; the legacy and conservation that has made their coporation rich:

“The MWF Executive Board finds that Cabela’s is trading on its trusted
reputation as a merchant of sporting goods to engage in a real estate marketing
activity that is calculated to subvert and destroy the very system of North
American wildlife conservation that has provided Cabela’s with the
hunter-and-angler markets that gave your company life in the first place.”

Never too old for cartoons ...

Hubs and I went to a Halloween party last night. We struggled a bit with our costumes, but in the end, they came together nicely. We went as the Scooby-Doo Gang.

I went as Daphne and Hubs went as Fred. The rest of our gang consisted of Scooby-Doo and Velma, complete with Scooby snacks. Shaggy, the clues told, took off with our van. ZOIKS!

My favorite part of the whole charade was when a ghost walked into the party and Scooby-Doo, frightened, jumped into the arms of Fred.

Stewards

Yesterday, I travelled to Havre, Montana for work. I was there for a Fish, Wildlife & Parks Commission meeting where I was available to answer legal questions that generally come from outer space. It's a good time for me to practice thinking on my feet so I actually enjoy the opportunity. And when I can travel to a new place, it's an added bonus. Havre was one of those new and beautiful places.

Another added bonus yesterday was to be there for the presentation of an award that is called The Good Neighbor Award. The award is intended for a landowner who has lived a life as a good steward of the land; that is, treats it like the special place that it is - away from development - and enhances the habitat and unique character that Montana offers. Additionally the award recognizes a legacy of allowing public access for recreation and hunting without charging for that access or allowing outfitting on the property. It is essentially an award that recognizes the folks who, without provocation or compensation, protect our last best place.

When the 80-plus-year-old fella was presented with the award yesterday, he was asked if he wanted to say a word. He seemed surprised and caught off-guard. But once given the opportunity, he seized it and spoke for 10 minutes. In those 10 minutes, he told a story. He said, in his gravelly, gruff, hard-to-understand-old-man-muffly way,

When we got this award, it brought a memory. About 75 years ago, I wasn't very big or old. The hired hand took me fishing. When we got to the fishin' hole on our land, someone was already there. I had to impress our hired hand, so I marched right up to the fella and asked him how in tar-nation he got the permission to be there and told him he should just get on down the road. He left and we fished and I was pretty proud of myself.

Within a week, my father sat me down and taught me a good lesson that I've lived with my whole life. He said, 'What made you think you could tell that good man to leave the fishing hole?' When I tried to convince my father that it's our land and that we could tell him to get out. He told me, 'This isn't your land; it's ALL of our land. We are stewards of the land and that means that we get to share what this beautiful Earth gave us with others who want to enjoy it. Now you will go and write that man a letter and apologize.' That letter was one of the hardest I've ever
written. But I learned a valuable lesson that we've passed on to our
children: The Earth owns the land and we are here just to take care of it.

It warmed my heart to listen to this man tell the story of his life and how he treated the land, OUR land. And then it reminded me that this landowner is in danger of extinction and made me want to work harder and in earnest to continue saving the last best place.

The Office

My particularly crazy busy and therefore stressful week has continued into this week. Thus, I’ve been having some difficulty leaving work at work, especially when I go to sleep at night. Last night, I dreamt that I was the Director of our Department. All of my staff were dogs that spoke English. I always knew when they were frustrated because they would grunt loudly as they plopped onto their dog beds; which were their “offices” from what I could tell. It appeared that we got the business of running an agency done well enough. But I don’t recall ever paying particular attention to whether I was a dog too.

If I was, I hope I was a Bernese Mountain Dog. Aren't they cute? What dog would you be?

The earth laughs in flowers.
~ E.E. (Edward. E.) Cummings ~

Pumpkins

Pumpkins everywhere this time of year! I love pumpkin; the color, the taste, carving them, eating them, roasting seeds, the symbol for Fall... everything about pumpkin is awesome. Every year I rediscover my unnatural affection for pumpkins. So, tonight I think I'll make this: http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Harvest-Pumpkin-Soup-2/Detail.aspx

Mmmm, doesn't it look good?

Nap-Thirty

Fall: I love this season. I love it because it's a time when Nature is vigilant at recruiting advocates. This is the time when Nature launches Her most persuasive campaign for life-long adoration. Those who never felt this sense of devotion before can't ignore Her brilliance; and those who have lived a life of devotion are reminded of its fervor. She doesn't spare a measure of energy in displaying her glory: snow-capped mountain tops, brilliantly-colored deciduous trees, and clouds so full of precipitation that their appearance demands respect.

And I love this season because it creates days like today. Overcast skies, cool and breezy, leaves of many colors flying about - all the perfect recipe for cozying up in my bed with a book and not fighting the urge to sleep.

Ahhhhhhhhh.

Need for an Inner Voice

I've had a particularly crazy busy week. I've reviewed, drafted, edited, redrafted, re-reviewed and re-edited a single 40-page document for three days in a row. I could recite it word-for-word but I'll save you the gory details. And then I had a particularly stressful meeting about this same 40-page document today that lasted all of this morning and some of this afternoon.

Needless to say, my brain is spent and I should have gone home about 5 minutes ago to save myself a collossal embarassment.

My secretary walked into my office a minute ago. Barely realizing she was in my office and certainly not connecting that fact in my exhausted-beyond-comprehension brain, AND talking to myself like I do so often, I inadvertently said out loud, "Oh I have gas."

Time to go home.

I would feel more optimistic about a bright future for man if he spent less time proving that he can outwit Nature and more time tasting her sweetness and respecting her seniority.

E. B. White US author & humorist (1899 - 1985)

MY Spoon

Each morning I come to work, I bring my breakfast with me. It consists of one of two things: 1. Brown Cow Low Fat Vanilla Yogurt with fresh berries or strawberries and muesli that has chunks of goodness like almonds or carob chips in each bite; OR 2. Cottage cheese, frozen raspberries, blackberries and blueberries and pineapple with slivered almonds to top it off. I can’t really say which is my favorite but I have become quite fond of the Brown Cow vanilla yogurt so I might lean that way if asked….

And each morning I use the same spoon – it’s one of those with the thick, colored handle that has been discarded for regular use at my house because it’s old and well, ugly. It’s perfect to leave at work to eat my breakfast. The spoon has now become crusted with chunks of purple cottage cheese, stained by the berries in each breakfast. I can chip off the large dried chunks but I’m afraid the sheen of purple stain and crusty globules are permanently affixed to the spoon. I figure that if I’m eating the same thing every morning and I’m the only person using my spoon, why wash it?

This morning, I was enjoying my vanilla yogurt and muesli combination and another attorney walked in with a sour face and asked, “WHAT IS THAT?” I began to explain, understanding that my breakfast doesn’t look so appetizing (my hubs calls it slime),
“Brown Cow low fat yogurt …and,” “NO! What you’re using to eat it with.”

OH THAT – it’s my spoon.

He left my office all incredulous and appalled even after I explained my perfect logic that I’m the only one to eat with that spoon.

I think I’ll wash it today.

Threshold

Beginning, commencement, inauguration, inception. Have you ever tried to think of as many words synonymous with the word beginning? Birth, kick-off, starting point, opening ... I was tempted to look it up at www.dictionary.com but I wanted to test myself instead. I made a list of 14 words and I’m sure there are many more.

I liked the synonym threshold the best. It has a particular fitting relevance to the name of my blog, ‘The Brief.’ And the name of my blog, suggested to me by my savvy blogger sister, Jdoc, has a particular fitting relevance to me. So let me connect this all by first telling you a bit about myself…

1. I’m a lawyer and I write legal documents called briefs for a living;
2. I am NOT brief in any sense of the word;
3. I like to put articles of construction (the) in front of descriptive words as if they are nouns in themselves; like The Lively or The Charismatic or The Brief; and
4. Well, there isn’t a fourth but I’m trying to prove the point I made in # 2.

And thus, I chose 'The Brief' for the title of my blog.

Finally, the reason I liked threshold to describe the beginning of this personal endeavor is because, in the legal world, a threshold question is usually the seminal question one asks to begin a query into whether a certain legal standard applies. Simply put, it’s the beginning of an important foray.

And such is the case for me and this blog.