Sharing Memories ...

A couple weekends ago, a man that had been in my life for 22 years was killed in an avalanche; with his wife watching and his 4-month old baby waiting at home for his Papa to return. I write about this here for two reasons: 1. Writing and "talking about" this pain helps it ease in some way; and 2. To urge everyone to live life to its fullest.

I haven't been able to talk too much about this to anyone except a few close to me like my Hubs. He has been there despite his struggle to understand what I'm going through. Thank you Hubs for being there for me even if this isn't easy for you. The only other outlet for my sadness is to share memories and to write about them.

I remember riding on the pegs of Travis' lime green dirt bike when I was 8 years old. I remember playing basketball in the backyard of Travis' house when I was 10 years old and he pretended I was good at it. It was the reason I played basketball in junior high until the coach told me I was better at track and choir. I remember getting my first tape Footloose because Travis and I had watched it together and I wanted to be a dancer so I thought it would be the best way to start. I remember hating to leave Mohall where he grew up because it meant I'd have to go back to school and leave my buddy behind. We were inseparable when my family was there to visit.

I remember when Travis would visit Bismarck during the summers and we would walk through the open fields and discuss life stuff. Even at at 12 we thought we knew it all. He was my first best friend, my first crush, and later turned out to be my first husband. I learned to ski, mountain bike, scuba dive and love Montana with him.

We'd lost contact in the past 4 years and I can't believe how much I'd like to take that back. Despite all the heartache, I wouldn't take back our past; I wouldn't change a thing. Except that wish I could have shared a laugh and a beer with Travis again after all was said and done. To laugh at all the stupid things that happened along our way and just gotten back to the connection we hold through history. I'll never have that.

But I will keep his spirit alive by laughing, loving and living like today is my last day. I won't wait for the next snow, the next summer, the next vacation to just enjoy life. He was an inspiration for Living like everyone should have. He even died doing exactly what he'd have wanted to be doing.

Travis' smile was infectious, his spirit alive, and he had the capacity to love Life like no other. He is in the mountains, the rivers, the snow, the sand and everywhere we look to see good things. He'll always get first tracks where he is now and he'll never have to hike too far to get to the top of the mountain. Rest in Peace Travis Engstrom.

Meet Me At The Mitchell

I haven't yet shared a major victory because it wasn't quite finalized due to the last "ditch" efforts (pardon the pun) of the hooligans who caused this charade in the first place. But it's over now. The Landowners' Petitions for Rehearing were denied yesterday and the decision in the Montana Supreme Court is final. And we won. The people of Montana won.

The Mitchell Slough is a stream; a side-channel of the Bitterroot River. And no matter what rich landowners do to "improve" an already thriving resource, doesn't change that character. In fact, MDT can dam, people can berm, developers can bulldoze and it still doesn't change a once-"natural" stream into a ditch like some landowners in the Bitterroot tried to claim.

This is important to Montana's legacy of stream access and sharing a public resource. It's important to protect the ability of our public to use, share and love the resource so that they have a reason to conserve, preserve and protect those wild places. The landowners (who included Huey Lewis, Charles Schwab and Ken Seibel) tried to claim that they were "protecting" the resource by keeping the (unwashed) public from accessing the stream. And then they threw money at it to "improve" what an old-timer who'd been fishing there since he was 10 called a "perfect fishing hole" and what they called "a mucked up mud pot." And because of the Montana Supreme Court decision, we can continue to use, share and love the resource so that we have a reason to conserve, preserve and protect it. It's as simple as that. I saw this lawsuit as an attempt to change the legacy of Montanans who grew up loving the wild places and as a result, wanting to keep them wild.

As an example of this legacy, I learned my ethic from my Papa and Mama who took us fishing and camping every single weekend. I have fond memories of catching perch, swimming from sun-up to sun-down, drinking my first beer, falling off a cliff and into a tree and sleeping in a tent like it was my bed. The thought of losing those places to landowners who would cut off access all in the name of "improving" the resource could possibly drive me to criminal actions. Because I learned to love the places where I could be outside and enjoy the natural environment, I would dedicate my life to conserving and preserving the wild places I love.

And I submit that this case allows that conservation ethic to develop in others. The legacy of Montanans is alive and well and the "pefect fishing hole" is open to all even if someone else thinks it's a "mucked up mudpot." When the ice thaws, you will find me floating the waters of the Mitchell Slough. Meet me there.

A Question That Keeps Coming Up

I awake every morning with a pain in my left side. It's almost a stiff feeling. Not terrible most the time but this morning it seems more intense than usual. I figured it was because Hubs was home for awhile so I slept on my left side more often. But Hubs is gone now and I still awake with an inexplicable pain; as though I've overworked the muscles on my left side. And I can assure you, I haven't.

I have wondered for some time whether we need a new mattress. When I sleep almost anywhere else: hotel, friends place, parents place, ground, I have a better sleep. I have been in denial for awhile because it is not cheap or within our budget to buy a new mattress. And to figure out which one is the best is another feat I'd rather not tackle alone. It would be really great if we could just wait until Hubs gets done with school and then buy a new mattress together that we can enjoy together.

Once again, I ask: Can I make it that long?