Are There Any Friends Left?

I have never made a friendship bracelet. Having grown up through the 70's and 80's, it's amazing to me that I never made or gave any friendship bracelets as a youngster. It's any wonder I had any friends....

I used yarn instead of embroidery thread cuz that's all I had at home. I'm not sure what all the hype was back in the day cuz it wasn't all that fun - my back hurt from hunching over it and it didn't turn out all that great either as you can see. There are different versions so there are many varieties that I could make. I made the one that was mid-level difficult and looked the best ... if it's done right. Luckily, if times get tough, I can crank out some bracelets and give them as gifts to friends and family. It's always good to have that option in your back pocket.

Merging of Cultures Right Here In Helena

On Saturday, I went with AVD and boyfriend to a Newbie concert at the Myrna Loy in Helena; MARIMBA music. I'd never seen it performed live and it was quite a treat. Who would have imagined that a Montana group could be so good at playing music from Zimbabwe? There were probably 10 people in the ensemble and their instruments were xylophones - the only way I know to describe it - that ranged from small like the Tinker Toys version we had as children to a very large one that required a step to access it because the pipes that resonated the sound were large enough for me crawl in them. The music was energetic, fun, and hard to resist foot-stomping or doing a little jig in my chair. There were many brave souls that ventured out on the dance floor but I was not one of them. I love to dance but not when the whole audience is aimed directly at the dance floor with nothing else to watch but the dancers. It made for a great people-watching concert though.

At one point, mid-concert, the band moved their instruments to make room for another Newbie and treat. A group of 4 kids - probably not older than 21, 22, choreographed a break dancing routine to one of the songs performed by the marimba band. Fascinating. They performed it onstage with the band and because I was late to the concert and had to, actually GOT TO sit up front where no one else wanted to sit, I was able to see how proud they were of their performance. It was great to see the kids so appreciative of a likely different type of music than they generally enjoy and it was even more great to see how good they were at their art. I think I'll take up break dancing for a Newbie sometime.

Not-Wet-With-Water Cleaners

Did you know that dry cleaning doesn't necessarily mean 'dry'? I took my fave sweater to the dry cleaners last Monday cuz it was looking a bit dingy. In order to log another Newbie, I asked the woman a bit about dry cleaning. She showed me a machine much like a washing machine that cleans the clothes in mass quanitities. The cleaning solvent is a liquid but because the process doesn't use water, it is dubbed "dry" cleaning. The solvent is constantly filtered through at an amazing rate so that my sweater was cleaned for 8 minutes and used approx. 200 gallons of solvent. She said that their business in little ol' Helena probably used millions of gallons of solvent PER DAY. Seems like a total waste when I really don't mind wearing a dirty sweater. My sweater was definitely clean and shiny when I got it back, but not clean or shiny enough to justify all that pollutant and energy just to clean my fave sweater.

Snowshoeing

Last Saturday, I finally tried out my Christmas gift from Hubs - snowshoeing. I'd never done it before and was glad to log at least one Newbie for the New Years weekend. I went with BFFs AVD and SH and had a great time frolicking in the snow like we actually have it - which we don't here in the dry barren desolate brown desert of Helena. We had to go high to get any of the white stuff but it was like a winter wonderland once we did. Snowshoeing is definitely a contender for the Fave winter play right up there with x-country skiing, downhill skiing, and Guiness drinking.

Speaking of winter wonderland, I think Lost Trail Ski Resort is the last best place left in Montana for skiing. It's cheap (unlike the ridiculous mountain, BS -a fitting acronym - that claims home in Montana but charges more than most Montanans can afford), it ALWAYS has great snow even in the face of global warming and desert-like conditions elsewhere, there are hardly any people there; I've never waited in line at the lift, and it's tucked back in the middle of nowhere on the border of ID and MT. It's my new favorite place to ski. Plus, they serve a really kickass brownie with chocolate frosting that I can't resist every time I go. I daresay it's better than the massive chocolate chip cookie that I get at Discovery Ski Basin every time we ski there. I think it could feed most of Helena in a food shortage. Mmmmmm, maybe it's time to go skiing again.

Death by Hanging

Did you know that death by hanging is still allowed in 2 states in the U.S.? I found this out last Friday, December 28, 2007, by playing my favorite Boxerjam game, KnowItAll. It's like a trivia game and one of the questions was about what other methods of death, besides lethal injection, are allowed in some states with the death pentaly. It made me curious so I looked it up. Washington and Delaware still allow death by hanging. The website where I found it, my new favorite site, Howstuffworks.com, has more fascinating information about how hanging actually works. The website claims that when it's done right, hanging can be one of the "most humane ways to inflict death." Isn't that an oxymoron?

It's still appalling to me that we share this honor (<--insert sarcasm) of being a country with the death penalty with other countries like Rwanda, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Iran, Iraq, etc. And yet, we bomb them for the "human atrocities" they inflict on their people. It makes me gag.

Once and for all...

On 12/27, 2007, I finally called the doc for an apointment to deal with Rafael once and for all. This counts as a legit Newbie because for one, I’m the judge and jury of my own project, and for two, I haven’t been ready for the likely outcome of making an appointment; and now I am. So, for me, this counts. I have lived with this painful knob on the inside of my right foot since, hmmm, maybe since high school. I have become much more active in my adult life and therefore, it has grown and festered for most of its existence. Having trained for and finished 4 marathons, I probably secured the fate of its maturity, but everything I do now is with pain in my foot. The final straw was the infection. So, it’s a Newbie for me to finally buck up and call the doc because I know what he’ll say: cut it off. Calling the doc meant being prepared for a major, difficult and painful surgery and recovery. And for my Newbie, I’m finally ready. The prospect of no more pain while I run, ski, dance, walk, backpack, etc, is enough to seal the deal once and for all.

Infected Rafael

When I crawled into bed last night, I removed the bandage from Rafael that was cushioning the lump from the constant pressure of my shoe. Much to my chagrin, Rafael was not looking so hot. Cut open, red, oozing puss, and throbbing, I showed Hubs. He grimaced and diagnosed an infection. I knew it was bad when Hubs demanded that I stay off my feet in order to get better even though we have a weekend of cross-country and downhill skiing planned. I consulted with Dr. DT and he confirmed an infection; a first in the life of Rafael.

Sick and tired of the effect Rafael has had on my life, I made an appointment with an orthopod January 30. I'm sure he'll suggest cutting Rafael out of my life completely. I think I'm ready to let go...

Halvah

Christmas Day, MDoc busted out her amazing cooking skills and treated us all to an eat-til-you're-miserable meal: pork tenderloin, mashed potatoes and gravy, baked corn with rice crispies atop, can-formed cranberries, and some jello/whipped cream "salad." And all this food was served only after we'd eaten trays of crackers and cheese, cookies, candy, and 7-layer taco dip. I can't say there was one thing I didn't enjoy ... except maybe the Halvah.

Halvah?! didn't know what it was either. Apparently Li'l Grandma used to get some every Christmas for a treat. It looked more like liver pate than a treat but I tried it anyway just to get a Newbie out of it. It's made of sesame paste (tahini) and sugar, honey or some other sweetener. It's gritty, crumbly texture overshadowed any good taste it may have had. It was marbled with chocolate but not enough to make it taste good. I can't say that I liked it but I would try it again next Christmas just to carry on a tradition. I did notice that the only people eating it was MDoc, Li'l Grandma and Aunt Pauly.

Go figure...

Gum

On Christmas Eve, I was out of ideas for a Newbie having demolished brain cells through extensive Bailey's cheer and crushed creativity with the sheer weight of the food I'd put into my mouth. And when all else fails, Google is like the rock of salvation. I went back to the website I'd visited last Friday, and I looked for new exciting things to learn.

Did your mother tell you not to swallow gum cuz it would stay in your system for 7 years? First, why didn't I ever ask, "Who cares?" And second, why didn't I ever find out whether that was really true? So, on Monday, I finally uncovered the answer to the mystery:

Generally, gum is made up of four general components, and our bodies can
easily break down three of these. The gum's flavorings, sweeteners and softeners
are all no match for human digestion. It's the gum base that sticks around. Gum
base is made mostly of synthetic chemicals, and these chemicals give gum its
chewy property. It's designed to resist the digestive properties of the saliva
in your mouth. But once it's swallowed, even the gum base is subjected to the
same treatment as regular food, and after it's recognized as useless by your
digestive system, it goes the same route as any waste product.

That would be: out the poop shoot.

So, MDoc, did you really believe that gum would be stuck in there for 7 years? Hmmm, now I wonder if my eyes will stay crossed if I leave them that way for too long....

Bowling for Christmas

After a couple days of playing cards and eating over vacation, we decided to do something active. So, on Sunday, we went bowling. I'd never been bowling over Christmas, so it was a good adventure for the DocFam. We ended up with a group of 11 immediate and extended family members bowling. There were gutterballs and granny throws aplenty, but with a score of 55 and 74, I was right in the middle of the group. We are, obviously, not professionals.

We bowled right next to a woman who looked so familiar that I couldn't stop looking at her. Thankfully, she finally clued me in that we lived on the same floor in the dorms for our freshman year in college. The last time we'd seen each other was my sophomore year, 1994. She's a psychologist living in Chicago who is hoping to move back to Montana when her husband finishes his PhD. I would have never connected with her again had we not gone bowling for Christmas!

Ramona

Hubs couldn't fathom that I would name my right bunion and not my left. So in a pitiful moment last Saturday while we were discussing how Rafael was giving me such a hard time, Ramona was born, my left foot's bunion.

As I look back over the past 6 days, I realize that I really did LEARN something new or DO something new every single day of my vacation. Starting last Friday ...

Friday we planned to make the long drive to what I affectionatly call the Biswack. I took the day off even though I knew that we wouldn't leave town until the afternoon. So that morning I set out to learn something new. And I did.

Did you know that the Bermuda Triangle is not on a map but it is located between Miami, FL, Bermuda, and San Juan, Puerto Rico. I had no idea. And even more interesting: did you know that one of the plausible explanations of lost ships and planes at sea is the deep trench at the surface of the Bermuda Triangle - some of the deepest trenches in the world that would swallow ships and planes without ever finding them. And then coupled with the weather factor, scientists have come upt with plausible explanations for lost ships and planes. Apparently, the Triangle experiences unusually short, quick and violent storms that blow in and out without ever being detected by satellite. Interesting. But mostly, there is still some question about whether the Triangle swallows more planes and ships than any other place in the world. Fascinating. There was more to my learning exploratory but you should go see for yourself what I learned about the Triangle. You'll enjoy it.

Sucks

Yesterday, I tried Facebook for a Nebiew and I feel like a cyber-idiot! DJ, bro-in-law, introduced me to the concept. I think he's a Facebook junkie. I'm still not even sure there's a point to it but things were looking up when I was alerted that I was on the coolest people list. My suspicion is that it's a popular tool for high schoolers and since DJ is a teacher, that would make sense. I guess it's a good thing I refrained from swearing when I posted on DJ's "Wall." I thought I might like to mess around with it right up until I noticed that DJ has 245 friends and I have one. Now I think it sucks...

Gingerbread Man

The Chick-mas party was a hit last night. We proceeded to eat, drink and be merry and that, to me, sounds like a successful party. I tried the Newbie gingerbread martini and can't say that I liked it too much. Here is the recipe if you'd like to try for yourself:

1 1/2 ounces vodka
1/2 ounce Amaretto
1/2 ounce simple syrup
1/2 teaspoon molasses
2 1/4-inch thick slices of fresh ginger
A pinch of cinnamon
A pinch of clove
A pinch of allspice
Crystallized ginger, for garnish.

Still new after all this time ...

I have been keeping up with my Newbies, but can't find the time to blog about them. I could give you all the usual excuses about work and more work but that would make for a boring, whiney blog, so I won't ...

On Monday night I hosted my first book club. I have hosted book clubs before but this time, which I think makes it a Newbie, it was MY book club. I organized it, asked the people, invited them to my house, picked the book and launched it at my house with great food and wine. I think it went over well. We read a powerful book called "A Thousand Splendid Suns" by Khaled Hosseini. I won't tell you the details of the book but will give you a synopsis of the story of women in Afghanistan: "Like a compass needle that points north, a man's accusing finger always finds a woman. Always." The book celebrates the ability of women to endure. This quote from a 17th Century poem by Saib-e-Tabrizi stands as a theme and namesake of this book: "One could not count the moons that shimmer on her roofs, or the thousand splendid suns that hide behind her walls."

On Tuesday I had a Newbie at work. First, it was new for me to work at my second moonlighting job by myself. That could have been a Newbie in itself but rather, I would like to count my interaction with Amy. Amy is a short, roung, happy, little, adorable and proud woman who has developmental disabilities. She appeared older than me but was probably developed to the stage of a young child. She went there to work out with her father and took a liking to me immediately. She slapped my hand and told me Merry Christmas many times over. She visited me while she was supposed to be on the treadmill and when it was time to go, she got very sad and hugged me around the waist. It caught me off-guard to the point that it almost knocked me over. She seemed so happy when I hugged her back that I was ashamed of my surprised reaction to her hug. As she left the gym, she called to me, "I'm going to come talk to you again Bucky." It made my whole night.

I'm not sure I can beat that one tonight, but my friends and I are getting together for a Chick-mas Party so there is sure to be something new to report from that! Maybe a new drink ....

Exploration Works

AVD and I spent much of Sunday together exploring our inner child at the new children's museum in town, Exploration Works. SO FUN. If you haven't been there, GO. AVD wanted to go solely becaues she knows the woman who makes the puppets for the children's puppet shows. And I went solely because I hadn't planned a Newbie for the day. The match was perfect.

We explored the exhibits, learned a bit and then headed to the puppet show, Three Billy Goats Gruff. My favorite exhibit was the game where you competed to out-relax your opponent. The winner could move a ball, by brain activity indicated by the brain-sensor headband that computed brainwaves onto the screen, to the opponent's circle on a table by being more relaxed. Every time I started to laugh, the brainwaves went berzerk and the ball would come toward me. Every time I concentrated to relax and closed my eyes, the ball went straight to my opponent's circle. Fascinating.

The puppet show was pretty cute but the little kids at the puppet show were painfully cute. At one point, the troll under the bridge decided to take a nap and snored loudly. A little girl behind me, couldn't have been older than 3, whispered in the not-at-all-a-whisper-yet-she-thought-she-was-whispering kind to her Papa sitting next to her, "That sounds like Grandma." I thought it sounded like my Mama (sorry Mama). I paid more attention to the reaction by the kids than the puppet show itself.

I highly recommend a visit to the museum. It's a great place to take your kids or, if you don't have them, take yourself to discover the kid in you.

Bunion

I can't run anymore without severe pain shooting through my right foot shortly afterward. I have a throbbing bunion that keeps me up at night. I know; really glamorous. It has taken on a whole personality of it's own. So, for Saturday's Newbie, I named my bunion. It's not an effective consolation for being unable to run but it's fun nonetheless.

First, I wanted to name it Bonny for some alliteration: Bonny Bunion sounds good. But then I decided that Bonny is boring and my life will become boring enough if the fix for Bunion is something drastic like surgery. Rather, I named my bunion Rafael - extravagant and worldly; unlike the bunion itself.

You have the right to remain silent ...

I couldn't have picked a better Newbie myself. Yesterday I got the I-don't-really-know-how-to-tell-you-this line from Hubs. What he told me presented the best Newbie I have had and will possibly ever have again: "You have a warrant out for your arrest." The city website contained my name on a very long list of active arrest warrants.

Luckily, the real "crime" was nothing other than an old parking ticket. However, the laughs and leverage I get out of being a "criminal" is worth every cent of the $70 I had to pay to clear my good name.

Ode to My Hangnail

Oh hangnail, lovely hangnail
You test my propensity to gnaw
You get my attention with every snag
You disqualify from Dove commercials my love paw

You arlert me to sweaters and gloves that lack good knit
You make my expensive choice of hand creme more legit

If I had my choice, we would never have met
And I could have perptually smooth hands
Alas, we will live with our disfunctional bond
Fate, against our desires, had other plans

I wrote this yesterday while pondering amendments to a document that had me stifled. It just flowed and a Newbie was created. I think I could be published.

Great First Impression

Never fear - I've been keeping up with my Newbies even though I haven't had the time to write about them....

Tuesday, I started a second job at the local gym; first night training with one other dude that has been working there since the beginning of time. I'm just doing front desk work and while it's easy, it could test my creativity in it's own ways that my Newbie task never could. I value it for the free gym membership and for another focus in my life. My list of newbies for the night runs long, therefore.

1. Cleaned treadmills - cleaning is not new to me, but cleaning treadmills is; disgusting, sweat-drenched machines that also collect static dust into the puddles of sweat. I figured it's par for the course given that I'm usually the one making the puddles of sweat...
2. Cleaned windows at the gym; I don't even clean windows at my own house ...
3. Wore the cutesie little uniform shirt and a nametag;
4. Greeted grumpy visitors to the gym who clearly needed to work out; maybe I'll do a tally of how many grumps leave still grumpy after their workout - another newbie for another time...
5. Checked out the men's locker room; I even used the toilet in the men's locker room just for the most legitimate newbie material; it almost killed me. Just a question - how do men get pubies on the toilet seat? (It's a legitmate question!)

My favorite newbie of the night was of a different variety though. I managed to offend the very first co-worker with whom I worked. I was, per usual, swearing up a storm throughout the training. I made sure that our guests didn't hear me, but I certainly didn't hold back to my co-worker. I didn't notice until too late that my co-worker was not swearing and would, instead, say things like 'biscuits' for emphasis. Although he had worked at the gym since the beginning of time, he looked like he was approximately 15 years old, minus 3 years. So I used my very sophisticated personality-analyzing mechanism and assumed he wasn't going to mind my sailor-like language.

By the end of the evening, I was finally catching wind of the lack of reciprocal swearing and apologized. His response? "Well, yes, I did notice that and you'll have to cut down on that during work because we don't want our customers to hear us talking so unprofessionally." Logical explanation, but then he said, "Thank God you said something because I wouldn't have felt comfortable bringing it up." And while he said, "Thank God," he emphasized with a cross pattern across his chest that I couldn't imitate without offending again.

Good start, huh?