Sharing Memories ...

A couple weekends ago, a man that had been in my life for 22 years was killed in an avalanche; with his wife watching and his 4-month old baby waiting at home for his Papa to return. I write about this here for two reasons: 1. Writing and "talking about" this pain helps it ease in some way; and 2. To urge everyone to live life to its fullest.

I haven't been able to talk too much about this to anyone except a few close to me like my Hubs. He has been there despite his struggle to understand what I'm going through. Thank you Hubs for being there for me even if this isn't easy for you. The only other outlet for my sadness is to share memories and to write about them.

I remember riding on the pegs of Travis' lime green dirt bike when I was 8 years old. I remember playing basketball in the backyard of Travis' house when I was 10 years old and he pretended I was good at it. It was the reason I played basketball in junior high until the coach told me I was better at track and choir. I remember getting my first tape Footloose because Travis and I had watched it together and I wanted to be a dancer so I thought it would be the best way to start. I remember hating to leave Mohall where he grew up because it meant I'd have to go back to school and leave my buddy behind. We were inseparable when my family was there to visit.

I remember when Travis would visit Bismarck during the summers and we would walk through the open fields and discuss life stuff. Even at at 12 we thought we knew it all. He was my first best friend, my first crush, and later turned out to be my first husband. I learned to ski, mountain bike, scuba dive and love Montana with him.

We'd lost contact in the past 4 years and I can't believe how much I'd like to take that back. Despite all the heartache, I wouldn't take back our past; I wouldn't change a thing. Except that wish I could have shared a laugh and a beer with Travis again after all was said and done. To laugh at all the stupid things that happened along our way and just gotten back to the connection we hold through history. I'll never have that.

But I will keep his spirit alive by laughing, loving and living like today is my last day. I won't wait for the next snow, the next summer, the next vacation to just enjoy life. He was an inspiration for Living like everyone should have. He even died doing exactly what he'd have wanted to be doing.

Travis' smile was infectious, his spirit alive, and he had the capacity to love Life like no other. He is in the mountains, the rivers, the snow, the sand and everywhere we look to see good things. He'll always get first tracks where he is now and he'll never have to hike too far to get to the top of the mountain. Rest in Peace Travis Engstrom.